Crushed

Loneliness suffocates you.

What a paradox!

It slowly turns yourself against you.
You wonder...what is wrong with me?
Do people think I'm lame? Stupid? Ugly?
Why don't they want me around?

Unfortunately the answer lies with them and the question will always be stuck in your throat.
But the tears won't be.
The tears can escape freely.
Even your tears are more free than your heart.

Why do you need to try so hard for people who will never really WANT you around?
Why do you need to bear the pain of them saying you didn't even try after you stop?
Do they need to accommodate and persuade among themselves?
No, so why you?

But nothing is wrong with you. Build yourself up slowly.
Work hard and go far in life though it's a lonely road.
And when you reach your destination. When you're on that platform, they'll look up and realized they missed their chance.

Don't beat yourself up and tear yourself down with self loathing.
Give them the chance to see their mistakes.
We only realize what we had when it's gone.

 

Who will win?

You think you know me, 
but you do not. 
You see the outside, 
which isn't a lot. 
I put up a smile, 
you don't see through. 
Don't blame yourself, 
what are you to do? 
Locked deep inside, 
my demons taunt and torment. 
Bleed out my soul, 
through hell's assent. 
Don't pay heed, 
it isn't your fault. 
Pain is mine to feel, 
through emotional assault. 
Slowly, surely, breaking inside, 
my body breathes but my soul has died.

Personal demons

They breed hatred, 
like fast spreading flames. 
They twist their words, 
they play mind games. 

No peace at heart, 
unhappy souls harbour unrest. 
Preying on the unsuspecting, 
they put your integrity to test. 

Will you hold on or give in? 
Will you partake in their sin? 
Thousand needles pierce your heart. 
A cruel game from the start. 
Breathe deeply, hold back the tears. 
Don't surrender to the age old fears. 
Pain and strife fade with time. 
They've lost control over thier demons...but what about mine? 

Ungrateful liar

My ungrateful heart set on fire
I say I am, I am a liar. 
But still, the tears, the tears...they fall
I'm hypocrite after all.
I smile, I smile, only for you.
The only time my heart is true
But everything else gets me down
Why am I ungrateful and run-down?

What hypocrites we are

“I believe discrimination still exists in society and we must fight it in every form. “

~Andrew Cuomo

We are told we live in a free world. We are aware of our rights…well, mostly. The Constitution guarantees us freedom, equality and justice. But where is this ‘equality’ and ‘justice’?

They are caged behind our constricted minds and only when we broaden those horizons and break free from the bonds of discrimination and stereotyping can we have ‘freedom’.

 It is high time we stop complaining about discrimination in our society, community and country. Why complain about something you do yourself?  When will we give up these cantankerous attitudes? We can’t, we shouldn’t, complain about foreigners discriminating against us when we ourselves discriminate against our own countrymen. We can condemn each other but in the end it is our fault too. And how grievous is this fault…it makes us looks like hypocrites.

 “How I wish we lived in a time when laws were not necessary to safeguard us from discrimination.”

~Barbra Streisand

We have been “independent” for 66 years. Or have we?

Despite innumerable legislations which have been passed time and again the poor are still poor. The rich exploit more than ever. And even in the remotest areas caste segregates population. If a shudra can amass wealth and if a Brahman can remain poor…can we not say that we are equal?

Why is it that women need reservations to exercise political power or legislations to ensure public work? Women are more resilient than men and have sharp intuition.

Why do we have schedules for ‘backward classes’? They are the same as us. Can their minds not be refined by education in the same way then?  

 When will we stop keeping them at a social distance? This free world we dream of resides in our minds. But we can make it a reality if we begin that change. Even the smallest gesture can help spark off a revolution.

“I'm not in favour of any discrimination of any form. “

~Rand Paul

 So, yes, the change begins within us and eventually in the mind set of society. But how do we start that change?

Firstly, stop practising any sort of discrimination or stereotype.

You know what I mean!

“Women can’t drive”

“Humanities is for stupid people”
Sound familiar?
Yea, I thought so.

Secondly, learn to accept.

Not everybody is going to be like you. Deal with it. So what is that someone is a little different? Is it going to kill you? I don’t think so. Everybody has their own struggles. So don't have a high opinion about yourself. It is incredibly unattractive.

Thirdly, always be true to yourself and what is right.

There’s no point of going against discrimination if you are just trying to show off. You are not fooling anybody.

If there is so much we can do, then why don't we get off our high horses or lazy hinds and do it?

False pretenses

You see me strong but my heart is brittle
You see the façade when I feel so little
You hear me laugh but Im crying inside
You see the outside cause I have lied

Can you really see or do you pretend?
Are you sincere, really a friend?
Do you care to ease my pain?
Or is the world really about self gain?

I'll take small steps to slowly heal
I'll take my time to begin to feel
I'll learn to live on strength of my making
I'll master the art of deceit and faking

Maybe I'm a flightless bird

I have a dream.

I want to be a dancer.
More than anything on earth, I want to be a dancer.

Why?
There are so many reasons. But the one I think is most plausible, is that dancing makes you feel like you're flying. It makes me feel like I can fly.

Then there are people who cripple my wings.
Like the story of the butterfly in metamorphosis. When it tries to break free the child helps it out of its cocoon and the butterfly has to suffer with crippled wings.
That's how I feel when people who think they're helping me see reality, tell me to focus on something I can actually achieve.
Maybe it's in best intention but even with these broken wings, I need to believe that one day I'll be able to soar. I need to have the satisfaction of showing everyone who never believed in me how high I'll fly.
I know I may be naïve and I know that in the end I might not be good enough. But I don't need my insecurities being voiced by people who I wish could support me and believe in me.

For 4 years, I gave it my all. I went through heart break after heart break, each time I wasn't promoted or given a crappy position where nobody would be able to see me dance. Heart break never becomes easier. And I don't want to have all of it, the pain and the tears, been for nothing.

People who may not know me but are perceptive and people who know me inside out, still do not know who I really am.
The day you see me surrender myself completely to music and dance my heart out is the day you know who I really am.

At the end of it, I want to believe I can fly by myself but I don't know if I can unless I know that there is at least one person who has faith in me. That there is at least 1 person who thinks I have what it takes to be a dancer, that there is a possibility that I can be a dancer.
But till I know, I guess I'll have to take the chance and fly solo.