I was stupid. I knew I was making a mistake right from the beginning. Everybody kept warning me. But I still didn't listen. I just told them that I could take care of myself. It turned out to be my biggest mistake but the best one too. Well, I guess I deserve this.
I was running to my comfort place. The place I knew I'd find him . He wouldn't berate me. I needed Caleb.
I knew Peter was bad news right from the start but I decided to be stupid and not go with my instincts. Now I wish I could go back in time to change that idiotic decision. I wish I could erase the memories.Sometimes I wish I could erase my existence.
I knew he'd break my heart in the end. I also thought I'd be ready for it. God, I'm a complete dumb ass.Complete and utter jackass! I knew it wasn't true love.But I don't know what true love is either.I seem to know so much but when it comes to my own life, I make the dumbest of mistakes possible of being made by me.Obviously, I'm oblivious to the obvious.
I made the sign of the magical realm and chanted the spell that would let me enter the magical dimension. I ran to the first garden. He wasn't there. I needed to find him fast. Everybody else was in hot pursuit. But I'm sure they already knew some of it. I ran to the next garden. He wasn't there either. I just hoped he'd be in the last garden. The tears were threatening to spill any moment. I needed him so badly. I've never felt this kind of yearning for anybody. But this feeling is there. A feeling that I had felt only bits and pieces of before. He was there.
The tears were very visible. The tears were on my eyelashes. His eyes widened. "Zoe, wha...". He didn't finish his sentence because I flung my hands around him and started to cry.No, sob. He didn't stop me, didn't object. He just wrapped his arms around me and stroked my hair.
I was grateful that we wasn't asking me anything. Even though he's four years older than me, he understands me more than anybody else. Funny how I never realized it until now.
My knees were practically shaking. I dropped down onto my knees. I put my hands up to my eyes and kept on sobbing. A second passed, then he bent down and and his arms engulfed me once again.
All of them finally caught up. I couldn't see them. I didn't want to, anyway. But I could sense their presence. I know Caleb did something for them to leave but I had no idea where they went and I didn't care. I just wanted to die.
He whispered, "Zoe, there's something you should be telling me." I couldn't answer. I was crying too hard and I just couldn't seem to stop. He started to stroke my hair again. He didn't even mind that that the front of his shirt was in my clenched fists or that my tears were soaking his shirt.
I suddenly stopped. Realization struck. I even had the same thought long time back. 'what's the point of crying over something stupid like a boy?' Caleb gently pulled me back. He put his hand on my
face. Tears came to my eyes again. "Zoe? Please tell me before I go insane." His voice was filled with sadness. For me?
I still wasn't capable of speech. So he picked me up and started to walk towards the castle. Towards home. "Fine. Tell me in your room, then." He walked on till we passed all three gardens.
I finally managed to open my mouth and speak albeit softly, "Caleb, put me down. I'll walk" He just ignored me and kept walking. "Caleb, I'll tell you." He still didn't say anything. Didn't matter. We were anyway about ten steps away from my room.
Then I realized something. When I found him earlier, from that point on, my heart had not stopped hammering. I started blushing. I can't believe I was an even bigger idiot than I oiginally thought I was. Was I really that oblivous to true love? I wasted those two years for no reason, when I couldv'e been happy. Well, if I realized at that time, that is. How could I have been soooo stupid? I bet he already knew it from the beginning. I am the biggest idiot on earth after all.
He put me down on my bed. My eyes filled up with tears, and they fell. He wiped my tears and said softly, "Please tell me. can't I have that much?" So I turned to him and said "I hate this" Then I took his hand and laced my fingers with his and whispered, "I'm so sorry". " Why are you sorry? Zoe what happened. I need to know what. Did someone do something to you?" "Yeah but I just realized how stupid I was." "Don't we all?"
He just smiled.He took me in his embrace, he laced his fingers through my hair. I put my arms around his neck and whispered "Most of all I'm sorry for hurting you" He whispered back, "I should have told you how I felt. I could have stopped you from being hurt like this." I didn't want to cry again.
He took my face in his hands and gently kissed me. He could probably feel my heartbeat considering the fact that I was holding onto him. He pulled my face away. "I won't let you get hurt again" He put my head down on my pillow and kissed my forehead. "Go to sleep."
I was pretty tired but I hadn't noticed it until he mentioned it. I just had to say one thing before I fell asleep. "Don't go." "I'm not going anywhere." With that I closed my eyes.
<------ Poland's map
